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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in makiandkaori's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, July 24th, 2011
9:27 pm
Tuesday, July 12th, 2011
8:17 pm
I will try and upload the Baiken From Guilty Gear X 2 on here later. Should have been done already with it ^^;

Current Mood: drained
Saturday, June 11th, 2011
2:00 pm
Wednesday, May 25th, 2011
4:31 pm
Contemplating if I should use this journal for some more art related things. Not sure.
Considering changing my icon to. But no clue to what yet...
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
4:18 pm
Sleepy. And need to finish that drawing...

Birthday in two days as well =.=

Current Mood: discontent
3:47 am
Bowling started fun. Had a great first game. Game two I started bad but did decent. 3 and 4 were just jokes >.>

Felt so disappointed. And irritated how those games went. A lot and I do mean a lot of gutter balls -sighs-

Not looking forward to when I get up. Might be kinda sore. And my knee hurt tonight :(

Current Mood: crappy
Sunday, August 8th, 2010
2:00 am
Thought things were starting to improve. Despite my plans moving forward.
I get a setback along the way. It seems i'm losing one of my closest friends. And I dont know why. I dont know if its because of what I have done. Or something else. Even though we have so little contact as it is. So I cant imagine its something i've done. When we dont really talk.

It feels like a lot of people I care about are drifting further away from me. I hate it. I hate this feeling of loneliness and despair. Cause it feels like i'm losing everyone I feel close to. LIke one of my fears is coming to life.

Current Mood: crushed
Monday, April 19th, 2010
11:39 pm
horribly sleepy....
and things havent been so pleasant. I hate this stupid month
Monday, January 18th, 2010
8:37 pm
birthday in 10 days...
asked a few people for birthday cards. Not sure if anyone will send any though. I hope so...
Its all i'm really hoping for this year.
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
9:52 pm
christmas time is almost here and I dont really have any feelings about it...
bought I bought a replacement book for one I lost somehow. So not to bad. and I bought when a stranger calls. going to watch that in a little while.
Monday, October 19th, 2009
11:31 pm
Mmm content at this moment. Talking with my Wicked Kitten :)
Friday, October 9th, 2009
9:37 pm
Knee hurts. But I like the weather change. I like that fall has begun and winter is coming.
Going to try for nanowrimo again this year. My goal this time is to hit 30,000 words. Even though a successful one is 50,000...

I can only try I suppose. Been feeling better emotionally lately. So that is good. And I got some of those twin dragon almond cookies that I enjoy.

Current Mood: contemplative
Monday, September 7th, 2009
4:18 pm
I seem to have many misunderstandings when they should be easily avoided...*sighs*

Current Mood: crushed
Monday, August 10th, 2009
1:16 pm
Been literally months since I last posted and no one commented either. Eh well.
Nothing big right now I guess. Been buying more dvds and the occasional music cd. I got a ipot nana now. Purple. I like the color purple. What else can I say right now? ...been drawing a bit. Not much. And very behind on my novel. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop being so damn lazy and finish it. Its important to me to do so. I just dont know if it would be something anyone would want to read though? But thats the whole thing there. I am not writing it for anyone but me. So I shouldnt really worry about that ya know? But the other side of it is that I would like to see it get published to. But the material is somewhat sensitive. So I can see controversies amongst it by those who would disagree with the source material. Oh well. If I can get it finished and published it would be nice.

Its my goal to get the book finished and published. I really want that to happen.

Current Mood: contemplative
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
8:13 pm
been buying lots of dvds this year. And cds.
I love stories. I love art. It seems like art is all I have anymore.
So much bleah. I dont know what to be thinking about. I should really work on my novel. I want to finish it. It would be great to see it published. But I have no hopes of that happening.

Current Mood: crushed
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
9:46 pm
Sometimes I wonder how broken I am...
I really dont know what I should be thinking. And I cant even begin to comprehend how much I am avoiding subconsciously right now...

And I hate getting sick =.=
Fucking ribs ache when I cough or sneeze right now =.=
Monday, January 12th, 2009
11:41 pm
new year. More of the same tired feelings.
It doesnt feel like anything has changed. So in retrospect. I hate this year so far. Maybe more than I hated last year. And that is saying something

Current Mood: crushed
Friday, November 21st, 2008
1:25 am
Fuck this. You keep giving. You try your best for someone. And what do you get in return? Someone telling you that you should try to look elsewhere. Because they worry in the end they will just hurt you. As if saying look elsewhere isnt painful? Not forcing it. But kind of suggesting as if the feelings between you are not going to be enough. You can give. You can try. And all you get in return is the fucking pain and loneliness that ends up twice as bad before you cared for a person. Before you found you loved them and were willing to give them everything.

Love can go rot in hell when it feels like bringing itself back to me. I am sick of this. I am sick of having a fucking heart that is repeatedly breaking. I gave up love before. I feel that way again. I dont wish to hurt anymore. I am obviously never good enough. Because every fucking damn time a relationship has to fall apart. Others move on to better relationships. I get fucked over holding the bag. And the other thing I am tired of is being the gentleman and nice guy who plays honorably. Who plays by a set of rules so binding that it makes anything difficult. Because nobody else plays by the same rules. No one else is bound by such harshness. So they gain the advantage. And to Karma. Your nothing but bull shit. You got as much authortiy as santa claus or the easter bunny.

How do I know? Because everytime in love I give my all. I put my heart out there so far. I give my trust. And what do I get in return? Maybe you have forgotten already since its been almost 2 yrs since my last relationship. It was a broken heart. A heart hurt so bad. Damaged so horribly not just from a broken relationship. But from your bastard twin called life. That fucking stole my sister. So tell me again how what goes around comes around? Maybe I can use the bitter laugh this time around. Because your nothing but a liar.

I loved all my ex's. I gave it all I had. And my reward from you was a broken heart. No answers to why it ended as it did. Short lived relationships. And the pain of seeing each and every one of them moving on quickly. Finding someone better than me. Tell me then how that was "what goes around, comes around" Because its a damn lie. Your a damn liar. See Karma. I got it figured out now. You cant be real. Because I am dying with stress. I am giving all my love and consideration for everyone. And right now what do I have? No one here. No one listening. No one to trust. And the sickness of a broken heart poisoned by bitterness.

Next time you want to give something. Keep it to your fucking self you bastard.

Current Mood: crushed
Thursday, November 13th, 2008
12:10 am
Well now I have a sturdy internet connection. Good? Bad? I dont know yet. And well I started my story for nanowrimo. But honestly dont know if I can make the deadline. But I find that right now that it doesnt matter. I am using this for motivation yes. But it isnt the important factor. I am doing this for myself. This story is for me and not for others. Not to say that I dont want others to read it. Just that this is being written not because I desire it. But because this is a story that has its own need to be written. Ones that might be complicated or simple depending from what light your viewing it in.


and I find that I have once again taken a turn for the worst....I am regressing emotionally back to when she had died....finding the depression building. The loneliness aches so hard...
And once again I find myself afraid of sleeping. I dont want to...so I suffer from staying up late. With so little sleep. I know its bad. Hurting my body and I dont care. I just...can't go through those dreams agian. I cant go through all of this once more...

Because in the end. I know that I am always alone no matter how much others say they are there for me. Because almost no one is available when I need them. It usually is me finding no one to listen or keep company with. While I continue to break my back for others...
I never learn

Current Mood: depressed
Saturday, November 8th, 2008
9:32 pm
November is full of surprises
Well now I have a sturdy internet connection. Good? Bad? I dont know yet. And well I started my story for nanowrimo. But honestly dont know if I can make the deadline. But I find that right now that it doesnt matter. I am using this for motivation yes. But it isnt the important factor. I am doing this for myself. This story is for me and not for others. Not to say that I dont want others to read it. Just that this is being written not because I desire it. But because this is a story that has its own need to be written. Ones that might be complicated or simple depending from what light your viewing it in.
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